It’s often been said that when people leave their jobs, the most common reason is a poor relationship with their boss. And, complaining about one’s boss seems to be a well-accepted past time. But what if I told you that the quality of your relationship with your boss is largely within your control?
Many years ago, early in my career, I had a boss who was a micromanager. I always sensed that he was looking over my shoulder, questioning everything I did. It demoralized me to the extent that I seriously thought about looking for another position. During that time, searching for answers, I came across an article, “Managing your Boss,” (Gabarro and Kotter, Harvard Business Review, January 2005), which caused a seismic shift in how I thought about boss-subordinate relationships. The central thesis: the boss is only one half of the relationship, and the other half—you—is completely within your control. The bottom line? Make some changes in your behavior towards your boss and the relationship will substantially improve.
Now, I’m not talking about “kissing up” to your boss. Instead, I am recommending taking a few moments to view the world from the perspective of your boss. Your boss is a human being, just as you are, who is dealing with a unique set of concerns and pressures. And, importantly, your boss needs you to be successful. She can’t do her job well unless you are excellent at yours. As Gabarro and Kotter write, boss-subordinate relationships involve “mutual dependence between two fallible human beings.” Once you get a little peek at the world out of your boss’s windshield, you can then start to think about what concrete steps you might take to improve the relationship. And then, take it a step forward…ask your boss what you can do to better meet his needs. In my situation, I realized that my boss’s tendencies to micromanage were less about his personality and more about the fact that I was not getting him the information he needed, in his preferred method. It’s simple, really. Some people like a lot of data and updates. Some people prefer getting information through emails, some people from face to face meetings. Some people like face to face meetings that are free flowing conversations and some like to stick closely to a detailed agenda. Once I started providing my boss with the type and frequency of information that he needed, our relationship changed for the better and I began to flourish in my role.
In my present position, I often joke that my job is ‘to make my boss look good,’ and I embrace that philosophy. I think that’s a central truth of all boss-subordinate relationships. The relationship with your boss is under your control, and its quality is largely your responsibility. So here’s to managing up!